This pooper will remain anonymous. For our story telling purposes, he will be referred to as Mr. X. This is not just to save him from embarrassment, but also to protect him form such organizations as the Constipation Fighters or  SWFC (Scientist for the Welfare of the Feeble Coloned) who would kill for a chance to test this kids superior bowel function.

Mr X is a marvel. This baby was born 10 weeks early on February 14th, but he is no Cupid. He is not the archer of love, but his weapons will penetrate you to the core with equal potency. This tiny premature infant doesn't weigh five pounds, but I promise you, this kid excreted at the very least, his own weight in horrifying waste product today.

I had the great honor of being Mr X's nurse from 7 this morning to 7 this evening and the newborn nursery at UMC will never be the same. I am not a squeamish person, but the proceedings that I am about to disclose to you would make Chuck Norris sleep with the lights on.

Mr X happens to be a misleadingly handsome and well behaved baby. He has adjusted well during his month of life spent in the hospital. He loves his nurses and we, in turn, adore him. However, being a premature infant, not all of his body systems were functioning up to par... until today. The day started normally. I fed and changed him and the other infants that were assigned to me. I did this a few times... it wasn't until his afternoon feeding that I realized something was terribly, TERRIBLY wrong. With each step I took toward him my sixth sense (which is really one of my five senses... smell) was alarming. I got there and decided not to postpone the torture by taking his temperature or checking his vitals first because the sooner I tackle this, the sooner that scent goes away. I unbutton his onesie.

Cranial nerve 1 (Olfactory- responsible for transmitting smell) collapsed. The good thing was, I couldn't smell anymore. The bad thing, and this is twofold, is that the scent lingered in my memory so no such thing as relief was anywere in sight and the excess burden was shared by cranial nerve 9 (taste) and then the last bit of overflow fell heavily on cranial nerve 12 (gag). I almost cried.

WHAT DID THE COMMUNISTS FEED THIS BABY?! This is a new type of fierce and merciless warfare. "Let's take something cute and use it against the innocent!" "Okay, like, inserting a bomb into a puppy?" "Yes, but that's been done... let's bomb the baby formula factory with the active ingredient in chili! A little will get in every bottle. They'll feed the babies, and then...!!" "Whoa?! you can't be serious? What about wartime ethics? It's upping the ante too much."

The sight I beheld was horrific. The only description I have brain cells enough to give you (for I was sorely deprived of oxygen too long) is the horror film about The Blob. The monster in this kids diaper was about the same size and consistency as that.

Mr X did this to me, not once, but twice! He also had his minion a few cribs down slink out of his diaper and poo all over his newly made bed. I don't know how these babies communicate, but if I could intercept their communication, the intel would be invaluable.

I persevered. It was an uphill, pushing a stone, pulling a bulldozer, tied to a house kind of battle... but in the end, justice was served.

Well, life is moving slowly on. I'm having to plan ahead, which is something I haven't really done much of before. But, now, if there's supposed to be any fun in my near future (or far future for that matter) I have to do this thing called take off work, and that requires planning ahead. The work force was not intended for people like me = )

Planning ahead is also required so that I have something to look forward to; something to work toward. Palmer Home has definitely kept me going for a week or two. I think it'll be great despite the rain.

But work isn't all bad. Let me chalk it up for you.

Pros:

1. I finally know how to work a locker! This has always been one of my most shameful secrets: if you stole something from me, put it in a locker, closed the door and told me the combination, I would never be able to get it out. I had to have some very specific on the job training in order to work these. They instituted it for all homeschoolers now.

2. I can turn mom into an emotional pliable pile of mush anytime I want just by telling her about how my night was. It's powerful, but definitely not my style.

3. income :)

Cons:

1. It's been hard for me not to be able to explain work to anyone. It's strange, but I just don't feel like people get how work is. Part of that is my fault. I have never been good at conveying things that are personal. Most of the time I don't want to talk about it anyway. But the other part is they can't see it. They aren't allowed to watch me work. I grew up watching my dad work. Obviously we never saw all he did, never understood all the victories or all the frustrations, but we got an idea. At work, I'm a different person. I'd love for someone to be able to see it. I'm really confident and I know how things are supposed to be done and handle situations really well. I don't think people would recognize the clumsy, playful me in a serious mode. I can sit there feeding a baby and being all "you're so cute" when all of a sudden one starts to code, put the bottle down, bag them up making sure to yell "I got it" over the massive alarm system and start resuscitating them. Then when they're better, back to feeding them and telling them how cute they are.

it's a good system.

2. sleep deprivation

there's more for both... but banana bread calls.

my loyalties lie elsewhere

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

And if you were with me tonight
I'd sing to you just one more time
A song for a heart so big
God couldn't let it live

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

Good song, though far from the usual hymn, still comforting... Today during work we went through grief training. It's sort of odd to talk about it, but it's been so heavy on my heart lately. Most jobs don't require this. Most nursing jobs don't require this. Most Intensive Care nursing jobs don't require this. The infant's hospital does. The NICU there has one of the highest turnover rates in the hospital (people can't work there long). The only unit that rivals it is the Burn unit.

There were a few reasons that this class threw me off. It was, over all a very sappy presentation made to tug at your heart strings so you'd be prepared for what's coming. It fit the bill. Mom told me that dad had stayed up all night sunday night worrying about me while I was at work. I thought it was just a safety issue. That was to be expected. It's a safe place, I can easy those worries, he can sleep in peace. That wasn't the problem though. He was worried about me emotionally because of the high death rate of the infants and just the critical state they would be in. This one caught me off guard. I assured him I knew what I was getting into (which, I think I do) and told him that I would be alright. The other thing that caught me off guard was one very sensible speaker who mentioned a baby who had been at the hospital for a while and had a tremendous impact on her.

Named Magdalena.

I knew this baby girl! Magdalena is the same baby we have been praying for at RUF. Her story has definitely wrung my heart many times and for it to be thrown at me completely unawares like that was almost cruel. It did make me think, though.

Those babies are so precious! But, it's so easy for people to think they don't have purpose. Everywhere I turn I to listen to my coworkers say that some of them would be better off if we didn't keep them alive! How does anyone with half a heart speak up against them and fight for the torture of innocent babies?! Who-- even IF the babies live through horrific pain and illness and after putting the family hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt-- will be SERVELY handicapped and a "social burden."

Because instead of looking at these pictures and seeing the fingerprint of sin and the fall of man, we look with faith and see the image of an Almighty Sovereign and Good God.